I WONDER WHAT I WOULD BE LIKE HAD YOU LOVED ME

HAD YOU CRADLED ME IN YOUR ARMS INSTEAD OF USING THEM TO SUFFOCATE ME

HAD YOU BEEN PROUD OF THE CHILD YOU CREATED INSTEAD OF WISHING YOU ABORTED ME

HAD YOU NURTURED MY DEVELOPMENT INSTEAD OF REGRESSING MY CAPABILITIES

WHAT WOULD I BE LIKE HAD YOU LOVED ME?

HAD YOU INSISTED I WAS VALUABLE INSTEAD OF TELLING ME TO KILL MYSELF

HAD YOU SUPPORTED MY ASPIRATIONS INSTEAD OF CALLING ME YOUR BIGGEST MISTAKE

HAD YOU CONVINCED ME I WAS IMPORTANT INSTEAD OF LABELING ME A STUPID CUNT

WHAT WOULD I BE LIKE HAD YOU LOVED ME?

HAD YOU PROTECTED MY INNOCENCE INSTEAD OF DEFENDING THOSE WHO SEVERED IT FROM ME

HAD YOU GUARDED THE SECRETS I ENTRUSTED UPON YOU INSTEAD OF EXPOSING AND BERATING ME

HAD YOU CALLED ME BABY OR PRINCESS INSTEAD OF ABORTION CHILD

WHAT WOULD I BE LIKE HAD YOU LOVED ME?

WE WOULD HOLD HANDS AT THE PARK AND ADMIRE FIELDS OF BRIGHT YELLOW DAFFODILS

WE WOULD WEAR MATCHING SUN HATS AND SHARE AN ICE CREAM SUNDAE, WITH TWO BIG SPOONS

WE WOULD GO ON DAY TRIPS AND LAUGH UNTIL WE COULDN’T STOP LAUGHING, THEN WE WOULD LAUGH, AND LAUGH SOME MORE

WE WOULD WEAR FLEECE PAJAMAS AND WATCH MOVIES TOGETHER UNTIL I FELL ASLEEP, THEN YOU WOULD KISS MY FOREHEAD AND WHISPER, I LOVE YOU

I WOULD WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING AND YOU WOULD STILL LOVE ME

HAD YOU LOVED ME

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Morgan Phaneuf is an aspiring poet and author from the Quiet Corner of Connecticut. A proud mother,
wilderness enthusiast, and karaoke queen, she strives to bring consolation to those who relate to the
uncomfortability expressed in her writing. Focusing on authentic experiences, she re-creates trauma
into words of empowerment.

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