Are you bored with your unlife? Robbing the same cemeteries? Eating the same stiff, over preserved bodies every night?

We have a message for you: You are hot, you are fierce, and you are a goddamn lich lord of the night. It’s time to stop skulking around feeling sorry for yourself. Sharpen your teeth and put on that sexy little number you’ve been saving for a special occasion. You’re about to go out on the town for the best evening of your living death.

Here’s the perfect cocktail recipe to enjoy during your night of debauchery.   

Serving Size: 1 (you’ll make sure everyone else is dead soon enough)

Ingredients:

3 ounces brain juice

1-ounce fermented toe fungus

A blast of necrotic energy

(Optional) maggots on the rim

Eyeballs for garnish

A splash of club soda.

Directions:

Step 1: Squeeze juice from a freshly harvested brain into cocktail shaker.

Step 2: Add toe fungus. The more pungent the better.

Step 3: Cover and shake vigorously while invoking necrotic energy from the Dark One. This will chill the beverage with the ice-cold emptiness of death. Or do some doomscrolling on your phone. That works too.     

Step 4: Strain mixture into a martini glass. Add as many maggots to the rim as you desire. (Treat yourself!)

Step 5: Poke straw through eyeball to garnish.

Step 6: Top off with club soda.  

Step 7: Lounge by the River Styx and drink up, lich.    

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Tombstone Traveler Weekly (aka Jessica) is a non-profit writer, cancer survivor, and fibromyalgia survivor. She has traditionally published seventeen short works of fiction, one work of poetry, and has won two Ron Hubbard Writers of the Future awards. Website: storiesfromtomorrow.com 

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